The Pilgrimage to Kawagebo: Finding the Meaning of Rebirth in the Desperate Wilderness of Yubeng

When the Suffocation of Life Pushed Me to the Edge

In my first year after graduation, I was like a machine programmed with a fixed routine, repeating the same motions every day. I'd jolt awake to the sound of my alarm, squeeze into the subway, stare blankly at a computer screen in a cubicle, then drag my exhausted body back to my rented apartment after work, scrolling through my phone until I fell asleep. Life appeared orderly on the surface, but underneath, it was stagnant—a pool of dead water too lazy even to ripple.

My struggle to adapt to the workplace had taught me to be tactful, but the gnawing sense of not belonging never faded. I began to wonder: Is this really all there is to life? Trapped in the suffocating grind of work and daily existence, I felt like I couldn't breathe.

After the Lunar New Year, I decided to leave. I had no clear destination—I just wanted to escape the environment that was choking me.

Why Would Anyone Choose to Suffer in a Place Like This?

When I finally set foot on the soil of Yunnan, stunned by the blue skies and white clouds of the plateau, one question kept echoing in my mind: "Why did I come to a place like this—a place that feels like hell—to put myself through this torment?"

I could have stayed home, lounging in air conditioning, snacking, sipping soda, mindlessly refreshing my inbox at the office, and browsing online shops for novelty items. But I knew that if I didn't come, I would regret it forever.

I was afraid of missing the majesty of Kawagebo; I was afraid of breaking the promise I made to myself; I was afraid of becoming just another puppet, like everyone else; I was afraid of slowly being assimilated into the river of time.

So I chose to set out. I chose to grit my teeth and endure the hardship, to walk alongside strangers, and to be an independent version of myself.

Breakdown: When the Body Surrenders Before the Will

The First Hour of the Trek

Just twenty minutes into the hike, my feet felt as heavy as lead. My breathing grew rapid, and my entire body felt like it was on fire. I had to stop, drink some water, and try to regain my composure.

But things didn't improve. After pushing on for a while, my thighs began to cramp, and I felt like I might collapse at any moment. The gear on my back—over ten kilograms—was crushing me. I wanted to hold on a little longer, not to slow down the group, but my body refused to obey.

Stop. There was only one voice in my head—stop.

I completely lost control of my body. My breathing and heartbeat fell out of rhythm. My nose couldn't supply enough oxygen, so I had to open my mouth and gasp for air. It felt like drowning, desperately grasping for a lifeline.

"It's over," I thought. "There's no way. I can't even lift my legs. Even if I rest, I'll never make it through the ten-plus kilometers today."

Snow began to fall from the sky. A wave of despair and collapse washed over me like a tide.

A Helping Hand from a Stranger

Just as I was about to give up, my teammates reached out. Someone handed me a muscle injury patch, someone helped carry my backpack, someone slowed down to wait for me, and someone whispered in my ear: "Don't give up!"

Have you ever felt the warmth of a stranger reaching out when you're on the verge of breaking down?

On a freezing night, a stranger's greeting can carry the most sincere blessing. Every time you set out toward an unknown danger, someone whose name you'll never know will say to you: "Tashi delek!"

I don't know if you've ever experienced this, but in that moment, tears streamed down my face.

Rebirth: Finding Hope in Despair

The Miracle of Nanzheng Pass

After seven grueling hours, I finally stood at the First Nanzheng Pass—the first four-thousand-meter elevation pass I had ever crossed on foot.

I won't tell you that tears were welling up in my eyes. I never dared to hope I could successfully make it over the pass, nor did I imagine so many kind people would extend a hand to help me. What I never expected was that the one who defeated me was myself.

When the Meili Snow Mountains appeared before me, all the pain and exhaustion melted away. I could almost hear Kawagebo saying, "Child, you've finally arrived."

In that moment, words became powerless. I simply gazed at her, at this sacred snow mountain.

The Starry Sky Over Yubeng

When I arrived at Yubeng Village, I collapsed into bed like a pile of mud. The day's trek had been exhausting, and all I wanted was to sleep soundly. But the urge to photograph the stars overpowered my fatigue.

I grabbed my tripod and camera and rushed to the platform with my teammates. Looking up at the pitch-black sky, brilliant stars twinkled, shining brightly. The silent Milky Way stretched across the heavens, the towering snow mountains faintly visible in the starlight, and the roar of rushing water echoed from the mountainside.

Time seemed to stand still.

I never believed I would have the chance to see such a stunning starry sky. I never believed I could hike nearly fifty kilometers on foot. And I never believed I would have the courage to face the mess I had become along the way.

All those doubts, all that失落, vanished at the foot of Kawagebo. Gazing at the serene stars, I finally understood: The one who defeats you is not others, but the version of yourself deep inside.

So, please, never say give up.

Practical Guide: For Those About to Set Out

Itinerary

Day 1 Beijing – Kunming – Lijiang – Lijiang Old Town Day 2 Lijiang – Deqin – Feilai Temple (about 9 hours by bus) Day 3 Feilai Temple – Xidang – Nanzheng Pass – Upper Yubeng Village Day 4 Upper Yubeng Village – Xiaonong Base Camp – Ice Lake – Upper Yubeng Village Day 5 Upper Yubeng Village – Lower Yubeng Village – Ninong – Feilai Temple – Shangri-La Day 6 Shangri-La – Songzanlin Monastery – Middle Tiger Leaping Gorge Day 7 Middle Tiger Leaping Gorge – Lijiang – Lijiang Old Town Day 8 Lijiang – Kunming – Beijing

Key Reminders

1. Altitude Sickness Prevention: Oral glucose solution is a lifesaver. Symptoms like dizziness, headaches, and nausea can appear as soon as you reach Lijiang—prepare in advance.

2. Gear Adjustment: Make sure to adjust your backpack's load system before departure, or it will drain your energy. Trekking poles are best checked in as luggage; carrying them on your person may get confiscated at security.

1. Pacing Yourself: The first two hours of the hike are the toughest—be mentally prepared. If muscle cramps occur, apply a muscle injury patch and rest promptly.

2. Sun Protection and Warmth: Temperatures in Yunnan vary greatly between day and night, and UV rays are strong. Sunscreen and warm clothing are both essential.

3. Food and Supplies: Bring your own dry rations—high-calorie items like beef jerky are excellent choices. The bus ride lasts up to nine hours, with only one stop for a meal.

4. Descending Technique: When going downhill, try to walk in a zigzag pattern to reduce strain on your knees. Wearing knee pads is recommended.

5. Stargazing Photography: Feilai Temple has severe light pollution; it's better to photograph the stars from Yubeng Village.

Final Thoughts

I used every ounce of my strength just to catch a glimpse of Kawagebo. I used every ounce of my strength just to offer a silent prayer to her.

In Yubeng, I saw the most beautiful snow mountains and smiles of my life, along with a serene and stunning canopy of stars. These are sights that words can barely describe—only those who experience them firsthand can truly understand.

What this journey taught me wasn't how to conquer a mountain, but how to face myself.

When you cross the towering peaks and see the magnificent summit, you'll unconsciously clasp your hands together, whisper softly, and silently offer blessings to them. Even if it's only a fleeting encounter, the kindness and warmth you receive will stay with you forever, never forgotten.

So, if you're also struggling in the quagmire of life, if you feel suffocated and hopeless, give yourself the chance to travel far. Feel the wind on the plateau, gaze at the brilliant stars, and experience the rebirth that comes after collapse.

Because the one who defeats you is not others, but the version of yourself deep inside. So, please, never say give up.